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On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he admits. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are typically succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him highly sensitive to negative feedback from those around him. He first suspected he might have this personality condition after looking up his traits on the internet – and was later evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have taken the label unless he had already reached that conclusion on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they experience feelings of superiority. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Although people have been identified with narcissism for more than a century, definitions vary what is meant by the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people hide it, due to widespread prejudice linked to the condition. A narcissist will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Although up to 75% of people found to have NPD are men, findings suggests this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, just kind of like everything in society,” says an individual who shares content on her dual diagnosis on online channels. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she explains, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I often enter self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself continuously the difference between suitable or harmful to say during a fight because it wasn’t modeled for me growing up,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my household were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he continues, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the those diagnosed, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve high marks and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, like him, has difficulty with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for talking therapy via government-funded care (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: It was indicated it is expected around in a few months.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his mental health status, because “negative perceptions are widespread that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has accepted it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he explains. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the disorder. But the presence of NPD content creators and the rise of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number